I've been churning out tons of working code lately. My Java persistence manager is nearly finished, and then I can start working on the TradeWars-style game I've wanted to make since I was about sixteen. It's so great to be able to think clearly again... to be able to compartmentalize my anxieties (including neurotic perfectionism) and focus like ( Read more... )

It hit me yesterday morning that the weather's changing and the days are getting shorter, and I kind of panicked. Fall used to be my favorite season, and I told myself I would enjoy it this year instead of hating it because it heralds winter. But yesterday, it wasn't easy. I need to figure out what I'm doing, because I can't winter here alone ( Read more... )

Today was supposed to be an "on" day. I wanted to work on some hobby projects. Instead, I'm crushingly depressed for no specific reason. Damn you, Lexapro ( Read more... )

I can't actually perceive them, but I imagine that there are two ways out of this depression ( Read more... )

I'm no longer receiving food stamps because I neglected to fill out the renewal paperwork for a month and a half ( Read more... )

I've been trying to get my circadian rhythm back in phase, and I almost had it, but then I hit some feedback oscillations or something and got all fucked up. I've barely slept at all for about four days, but I'm still not tired, except for when I collapse and take naps in the afternoon ( Read more... )

I'm completely bored with sex and nakedness. Even hot pornobabes don't turn me on anymore. Maybe I'm getting depressed again. Notice how many times I've posted today. I just keep checking my email and the same news sites over and over again. I'm extremely restless and bored... somebody save me.

1.) This morning at about 3:30, I heard six gunshots. Someone shot my neighbor's truck five times and his picture window once ( Read more... )

I read something in a friend's journal tonight that made me think of how slow I have been to get to know myself. I spent the first twenty-one years of my life trying to kill my emotions because I was taught in Sunday School that emotion is one of the weaknesses of mankind's sinful nature. It wasn't until I spent a year in Okinawa with the Marines ( Read more... )

I must stop letting the problems of the world weigh on my consciousness.As I lay in bed trying to sleep tonight, I realized that my heart was racing as fast as my thoughts. I am under a great deal of stress, and there really is no reason for it. I don't do anything stressful. I don't do anything at all. Sure, I play with computers, write a ( Read more... )